Akatsuki TV
by Blu Rose
Summary: ONESHOT ONLY! The Akatsuki have figured out two of best ways to take over the world: subliminal messages and brainwashing. So they do what any villain would do: take over the TV! Too bad nothing goes as planned... R&R, please!


**Blu: It is now time for me to make fun of the Akatsuki: one of the biggest, baddest, and coolest freaky villains in all Anime History!!**

**REVIEW!!**

**Akatsuki: (Look at Blu with bloodlust in their eyes) Grrrr...**

**Blu: What? You know it's true! Dozens, maybe hundreds, of other authors say it! (Looks at the readers) Getting back on track, this is a humor fic (my second shot at humor) that I just wrote up after remembering something from Saved by the Bell and Family Guy. The wonders of Subliminal Messages! So sit back and enjoy the fic. Nameless Flower-wearing Akatsuki member, if you'd please.**

**Nameless Akatsuki Member: (Holds up a sign that says "Blu Rose owns nothing but this story. Naruto, Family Guy, Saved by the Bell, and all other media shown belong to other people")**

**REVIEW!!**

**Blu: Nice way of putting it nicely!**

**Tobi: But...she didn't even speak.**

**Deidara: Nice job of pointing out the obvious, idiot...yeah.**

**REVIEW!!**

**Itachi: Stop those subliminal messages.**

**Blu: ...Yes, sir...**

**X-X-X**

_"3, 2, 1, MAKE SOME NOISE!!"_ The TV screen suddenly cut off, static snow appearing in place of the Naruto Shipuuden opening. Several Naruto fans and Narutards began to change their channel, but surprisingly, every channel was the same. The picture suddenly came back, revealing the bottom half of the face of the Akatsuki Leader (or AL, for short).

"Deidara, what the hell are you doing?!" AL hissed at the artistic blonde, who just so happened to be holding the camera.

"What? This is like _art_, yeah! This is an artistic view!" Deidara exclaimed as he zoomed in on his leader's nose piercings.

Tobi suddenly popped up in front of the camera. "Does that mean you'll blow it up, Deidara-sempai?"

"Hmmm... I never thought of that...yeah."

"DON'T YOU DARE!!!" AL and Kakuzu shouted, suddenly in chibi form with veins throbbing on their foreheads.

"That camera's brand new!" AL shouted.

"And it's expensive, too!"

"_Expensive_? That piece of shit? You bought it at a garage sale in Amegakure!" Hidan, who was meditating in a far-off corner of the cave, shouted.

"It's expensive on our budget!"

"Deidara, give the camera to Zetsu." The Akatsuki leader ordered.

"...Fine, yeah."

The camera shut off and the TV became filled with static snow again as people all over the world asked, "What the hell was _that_?" The TV picture came back and there stood AL in all his shadow-hidden glory.

"Attention world, your TV has been taken over by the Akatsuki. You shall bow down to us and our power."

"You will use us as your only ninja resource."

"And you turn over any jinchuriki whom you have made contact with to us. ...Did you get that, Zetsu?"

"Yes, AL-sama. But the camera's still on." Said Zetsu's white side.

"We can always fix this in editing, though." Said his black half.

"And did the subliminal messages get through?"

Out of camera view, Deidara blinked. "Hm? What subliminal messages?"

"You didn't think we'd just announce ourselves on TV without some sort of evil plan, did you?" Kisame told the artistic shinobi.

"Of course not!! I thought we were gonna lure Konoha here so we could get the Kyuubi or something, yeah!"

Tobi suddenly popped up in front of the camera. "Subliminal messages? What're those?"

"You idiot!! You're not supposed to be in this shot!" Deidara shouted at his idiot partner.

The mask-wearing Akatsuki suddenly became chibified. "Awww, but I wanna find out! AL-sama, what is subliminal messaging?"

The leader sighed and pulled out a small, foldable movie screen and a clicker. He pushed the button and the words **HOW TO BRAINWASH PEOPLE!** appeared in bold print. "You see Tobi, in several forms of media, there are hidden messages that secretly make people do things that they never thought of doing before." He pushed the button and a picture of a pretty model appeared. "Do you remember that incident where after watching a certain cooking channel, Kisame killed someone over some sort of fish burger?"

"He wasn't here when that happened, AL-sama." Said Itachi as Kisame shivered.

"I ate _shark_." The Mist rogue whispered in a disgusted tone of voice.

The Uchiha shrugged and mumbled, "I liked it," earning him a glare from his partner.

"Another example would be the religion of Jashin," AL continued, gaining the attention of Hidan, who had stopped muttering his so called death prayers and turned around to look at him.

"The fuck?!"

"To gain followers, the religion made a video with a subliminal message in it. Afterwards, those who watched it will join said religion."

"So _that_ explains why they'd let someone like Hidan in, yeah." Deidara nodded his head in a knowing manner while he rubbed his chin.

"HELL NO!! You bastards are wrong!!" Hidan shouted loudly. "The religion of Jashin is highly respectable! It's higher than the damn Buddha!"

**BOW TO JASHIN!!**

"The might and wonder of Jashin-sama alone is enough to make people want to join!!"

**JOIN THE JASHIN RELIGION!!**

"And if they don't want to, it sucks to be those idiots! When Jashin-sama reaps his heavenly justice upon the land, they'll be among the bloody corpses left in his wake!!!"

**FREE COOKIES AND A NICE DENTAL PLAN WHEN JOINING!!**

"If you fools cannot see the wonder of the Jashin religion, then you don't deserve nice teeth and a chocolate chip cookie! ...Wait, what the fu--"

"Censors." Said Itachi in a monotone voice as he popped up in front of Hidan.

"Don't censor me you--!"

"Censors."

"FUCK!! Hah, couldn't catch me _then,_ could ya?"

"Hidan, stop it. You're acting like an idiot on camera." AL ordered the immortal Akatsuki member.

"Ooh, I smell blackmail for later on, yeah!" Deidara grinned evilly as Kakuzu rubbed his hands together.

"How much do you think a copied video would make?"

"Ooh, so subliminal messaging is like what Zetsu-san said you did to Itachi-san to get him to join!" Tobi chirped.

The Akatsuki Leader sweatdropped as his eyes were reduced to dots. "Um..."

Despite the apathetic look on his face, the air around Itachi became _very_ cold at that moment. "What did you do, Leader-sama?"

"Zetsu-san said you were secretly given a tape that had a secret message that would make you go insane and kill your family!" Tobi blurted out.

"Actually, it helped him to go insane. Family pressure just pushed him over the edge." Said Zetsu's black side.

"Not that, uh, we had a _hand_ with such a tape." His white side added quickly.

The air around Itachi began to get even colder as the wheels of his Sharingan began to spin.

"Uh-oh..." Kisame inched away from the angry Uchiha.

"He's gonna blow...yeah...!" Deidara whispered as he, Kakuzu and Hidan hid behind a large rock.

Before Itachi could cause a massacre, the door of the Akatsuki Cave was kicked down by...the Konoha ninja!

"What the fuck?!" Hidan screamed. "How the hell did they find us?!"

"And how did the cave get a door?" Kisame asked as a question mark floated over his head.

"More importantly, how did you find us? Did you use your Hyuga? Your Aburame, perhaps?" AL asked. "Or perhaps it was fate that drew us together, Uzumaki Naruto? You certainly grew up to be a...fine young man."

The Akatsuki members--except for Itachi, who was too cool to do so--sweatdropped. "What?"

"AL-sama, you know the Kyuubi Jinchuriki?" Tobi asked the leader.

"Of course I do! He's..." AL's eyes suddenly became big and watery as sparkles surrounded him like some cheesy shojo anime. "He's my son!"

"NOOOOOO!! It can't beeeee!!" Naruto cried to the ceilings as he clenched his head.

"Eh, you're right, it's not."

A vein started to throb on Naruto's forehead. "Then why'd you say it, you lying bastard?!"

The Akatsuki leader shrugged. "Eh, this fic needed a dramatic moment."

"Fourth wall." Said Itachi.

"Like the fans care about the fourth wall in a humor fic!" Said the nameless blue-haired Akatsuki member. He/She was then punted over to the far side of the cave by AL. "AIEEEEE!"

"You don't have a name, so you don't get to speak!!"

"But you don't have a name either!!"

"...I'm the leader! Those rules don't apply to me!!" He then faced the Konoha ninja. "Let's just fight and get this over with!"

"WAIT!!" Zetsu's white and black sides exclaimed.

"Let me put down the camera first..." The white side stated as the plant man walked over to a rock. He placed the camera down gently, and made sure it was facing the area where the fight would take place. "Wouldn't want to forget _this_, would we...?" He walked over to his fellow Akatsuki. "Now..."

"LET'S GET IT ON!!!" His black side roared as the Akatsuki and the Konoha ninja pounced on each other.

After a couple of seconds of pure, unadulterated violence and some heart-breaking, angst-filled back stories, Blue Hair walked up to the camera, slightly shaky from his/her being punted across the cave. He/She held up a large piece of paper that said, **TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY**, before she got mauled by Akamaru.

**X-X-X**

**Blu: I wrote this in one day, you know! Maybe because it's such a short humor fic! I'm taking a risk by not checking it because I want to see what people think! So please review! Ja ne!**


End file.
